I want to be authentic. I want to simply be, unassumingly. I crave for personal excellence. I crave for inner peace. I want to be content with myself. I want to feel secured and beautiful in my own and not seek for validation from others nor compete with others. I want to just exist and find solace in my own skin. More importantly, I want to finally reach a point where I have attained all of these things without even thinking about attaining all these things.
To just stand there and think to myself, wow I am genuinely happy with who I am and with what I have been doing. And just shrug it off with a smile because well, this is how it should be.
I think the reason why this has gotten into my awareness is that for a moment, I have attained all these things through fast and fleeting here-and-nows. That maybe, in a way everything conspired to bring me to that moment where I felt so genuine and in love with life, with myself. And that now, everything is just a blur. Like long days, very long days melting into another very many long days. Everything is moving and shifting and dragging me with every forward, with every backward. And in the process, I lose myself. I forget who I am. I forget what I am living for.
Maybe, knowing the difference between superficiality and authenticity through actually having lived in both happenstance made the craving to live stronger. In this life, there will be highs and lows. It’s always just up to you. Settle or constantly reach higher like a flower blossoming in its own pace, in its own time.
You got this.
Originally from my journal.