I found myself leaning on a cup of iced chamomile tea as if it could carry all the weight that I have in me. It was just quiet. There was only the meekness of rain that’s just began pouring and distant conversation. I started thinking about everything all at once. Then Alvin interrupted me by asking what I was thinking. I realized that I had my eyes closed all along.
I really appreciate those little, quiet moments that I have all to myself. And eventually, the conversation that happens after that. I don’t know. I just feel like there is something about those very personal moments that is so meaningful. Being lost in one’s thoughts in silence has a lot of personal depth. And the urge to share that experience to someone else through conversing one’s thoughts is just as special. It always ends up with more gravity.
After I was interrupted, I burst with lots of ideas about love for process. I started talking about how these past few days I have been meaning to invest my time and knowledge to things that are more meaningful. The more tedious the process, the better. Because I simply see the value in the length of time allotted to something that one is fully convinced to be great. Think: film photography, fountain pens and inkwells, a vinyl collection and turntables, an everyday pour-over coffee habit. Nowadays, we can all just get away with what we want in just an instant that we lose track of the real meaning of our current pursuits – why we do what we do. The intent behind these tedious tasks and the heart to create good things speak so much of legacy. The kind that I want to leave behind.
Nothing is just lovelier than having the freedom to be quiet and be lost in thoughts. However, having someone who listens and tries to engage could be just as lovely. On the ride home he told me he watched closely how hard I work, even before the academe and when I was still a hotelier. He smiled when he told me that he is proud of my work ethic. I don’t really like flattery, he doesn’t. But these things just make me melt. These make me happy.
I may not have a clear vision of how I want the future to look like. But this is how I want it to feel like.